There is so much to do these days it’s somewhat frightening. We’re implementing two new big initiatives at work, and while it’s exciting, it is a LOT of work. Plus I’ve been out a lot (4.5 days already… and it’s only the 22nd day of school counting tomorrow- I’m sure the parents love me), and so I’m perpetually crafting sub plans which is in and of itself exhausting. So, imagine my relief when yesterday, I finally turned to the Scriptures and I found verses which spoke directly to my soul.
I’ve been yearning for a deep, intimate relationship with God since I was a baby-Christian some 9 odd years ago. I’ve always had an intellectual belief in God and have clung to a strong knowledge that God exists, but my classically trained mind was hesitant to let my heart connect. Where did this leave me? Thirsty. I was thirsty for an emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connection with the God of the universe. I was thirsty for the opportunity to open my heart to Him and let Him all the way in. Finally, last night, I did something about it. A little Google searching lead me to Intervarsity’s website and a list of links for personal Bible study. Within 5 minutes I found a study on pursuing intimacy with God and I knew I had to pursue it. Last night I read Psalm 84, and below I’ll share the journal entry that I wrote in response:
For years I have complained that my faith is an intellectual one- firmly rooted in my mind, but not in my heart. Where my mind knows that God is good- knows that He loves me and has saved me, my heart wrestles with doubt and unbelief. I’m tired of it. I want intimacy with God. I want talking with Him and stepping myself in His word to become second-nature. I know now that I will need to fight for it. And so I begin.
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.” -Psalm 84:5
I pray that this is where I have set my heart: on pilgrimage towards the One who created it all. And I pray that as I spend time with Him that He will be faithful to open my heart to understand and love Him more deeply. I am grateful for the peace that this Psalm brought in the midst of the busy-ness of life, and the promise of increasing peace as my time with Him continues.