Insomnia

I had plans to hit the sack early tonight. Instead, I got a massive migraine, and efforts to just go to sleep without taking any medication failed. So, two extra strength migraine pills laced with caffeine later, and it’s 11:00 and I am nowhere near being able to fall asleep. Should make for a great morning.

Anyway, I was thinking tonight about my sense of myself as a woman, and how I want to increasingly grow into that role. For a long time I think I assumed that I would become a “real” woman when I got married, or when I had children. I think it’s why I relate so strongly to characters in books and on television who aren’t wives or mothers. There’s something about seeing how these other women forge alternate paths through the world even as they own their womanhood that I find inspiring, even if the characters themselves are fictional. I want to own my role as a woman, and I want to grow into the gifts and talents that God has given me, even if they are not being utilized in a marriage or as a mother. It’s an interesting picture to envision, since for so long I had only the one picture of how my life would play out. As I confront the road that God’s got me on right now, it’s time to give up the plan that I had for myself, and embrace the one that must be better.

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