Simply Life

House Cleaning Success

Jen — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:19:09 +0000

Sorry to bore you with a post about house-cleaning, but I had to post since I have finally found a routine that actually keeps my house clean! Last Monday I spent about 6 1/2 hours deep cleaning my house. I cleaned everything. I cleaned baseboards, I cleaned under the bed, I moved the couch, I dusted, I vacuumed, I busted out the all-purpose cleaner. By the end of the day, the house was cleaner than it’s been in probably a year, and I was looking for an easy way to keep it that way. So, a quick internet search lead me to this blog post and I was pretty sure I’d hit gold. Over the past week I’ve done the daily resetting of the house as well as making sure my sink stays clean. The dishwasher doesn’t need to run every day so keeping the sink clean is my goal. Beyond that I’ve incorporated the daily chores and guess what? A week later, my house is just as clean as it was last Monday. There’s something about just tackling one surface a day that makes keeping things clean SO much more manageable!

2011

Jen — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 23:29:11 +0000

2011 was obviously a low point in my life. The loss of my aunt and cousin was unimaginable, and was compounded by my once seemingly invincible family’s increasing brushes with reality. My grandparents are on the border of no longer being able to live on their own, my parents’ marriage seems to be crumbling and with it my own relationship with my mother, my aunt has ALS. 2012 does not promise to be any better. My aunt entered hospice last month, my parents have some tough decisions to make, and my grandparents are not getting any younger. Still, in the midst of this, I cling to the hope that Jesus provides. That this life is not all there is, that the brokenness of this world is not how it was intended to be, that while I may face struggles here, there is hope of the world to come.

I am heading out to celebrate the New Year this evening, and as I was dressing I was about to put on the silver bangles I bought earlier this year. Instead, I placed on my wrist two red bracelets, one faux-leather with a single bead, made en masse by my family as a remembrance of my aunt and cousin, one rubber labelled with the words “Accelerating the Cure for ALS.” As I bid adieu to a year in which I lost two family members and welcome a year in which I will very likely lose one more, it seemed like the most fitting accompaniment to my outfit for the evening.

In short, I wish good riddance to 2011, I hesitate to welcome 2012, and I yearn for the life of the world to come.

2012 Resolutions

Jen — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 03:05:11 +0000

January – Work out 4x a week

February – Read the Bible every day

March – Meal Plan each week

April – Work out 5x a week

May – Finish the spring cleaning checklist

June – Plan at least 3 visits to cultural attractions

July – Eat breakfast outside whenever possible

August – Enjoy the family time

September – Keep the kitchen sink clean

October – Read at least two books for fun

November – Buy and wrap all holiday gifts

December – Schedule time for myself

How Much Jesus is Enough?

Jen — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 02:33:21 +0000

Do you know how much you need Jesus? I didn’t until the last few days, until the hole in my heart was so clearly Jesus sized that there was no other solution than to sit down with Scripture, or at the very least with books that point me to Scripture. My need, my desire for Christ has been insatiable, which is, I suppose, a healthy place for it to be.

The most frustrating thing, particularly in this busy season of life is how difficult it is to find the time to fill that need. I need Jesus, but I seem to have no time. It’s easy to fill the need when I have endless hours stretching in front of me before I need to be somewhere, but when I need to be out the door at 7:30, it seems to be a lost cause. I will never be a morning person. Sometimes I squeeze in 15 minutes at school, most often over my lunch break, but that is hardly a place where my soul feels free to worship, feels free to seek Christ. I need my sustenance before that.

I was struck anew today while I was reading about how God instructs the Israelites to collect the manna each day, not to collect more than they needed for each day because otherwise it would rot. I thought then of Jesus’ words as he instructs his disciples that man does not live on bread alone, but on the Word. I need to feast on the Word daily. I can’t overeat on Sunday in preparation for a week that is too busy. I need the Word each day, or I will starve. I need Jesus.

Are you aware of your need?

Unwrapping Tuesday

Jen — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 02:26:54 +0000

In truth, there seems to be very little to be thankful for these days. This year has been a challenging one for my family. Coming up on Christmas, I realize that was the last day that I saw my aunt and cousin last year before they passed away. I don’t even remember saying goodbye. They lived so close I took for granted seeing them again soon. At Thanksgiving this year, it became increasingly apparent that in the next few weeks or months we will say goodbye to another aunt, this time with some warning, but again all too soon. With all of this sadness hanging over the holidays this year, what is there here to be thankful for?

Maybe it is in this, that this time, we have the opportunity to say goodbye. I can send an e-mail to my aunt sharing a song that makes me think of her and brings me comfort and she can write back. My cousins and uncle have had time to prepare. The funeral is largely planned, the eulogies have time to be written, and decisions don’t need to be made in the heat of the moment.

It’s made me think about what a gift time is. Whether Tuesday or any other day, we are all given 24 hours in which to live, 24 hours in which to make the most of each moment. I know it doesn’t mean I won’t fritter away moments here and there, but I am grateful for a greater awareness of the gift I’ve been given in the time that i have.

Holidays

Jen — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:27:04 +0000

I had read before that the holidays are a tough season for those who have recently experienced loss. My doctor confirmed that when I saw her shortly after my aunt and cousin passed away. I knew theoretically to be prepared for what this season would hold in store, but I wasn’t quite prepared for this.

I feel so raw, like the wound caused by these unexpected deaths has not healed one bit since April. Like all the “progress” I made in accepting and coming to terms with our new family life has been ripped away. Like the phone call I received that cold, dark, damp April morning, came again just a few hours ago.

I knew the holidays would be different this year, that despite the 20+ people who usually fill our house at Thanksgiving, we would all be feeling a giant, gaping hole. I knew that Fran would not be here to stir up the usual drama (would she use Stevia as a sweetener??? Oh, the horrors). I knew that Becky would not be here to sit next to me during Trivial Pursuit. I knew that things would be different.

I also knew that my aunt and uncle and their family would likely be in Hamilton this year, and that the years of us all celebrating Thanksgiving together were likely cut short by the ravages of ALS that my aunt is suffering. I knew that the holidays would be different.

When my mom suggested that we all go to Hamilton this year, and my uncle and his remaining family agreed, I too was relieved. Celebrating Thanksgiving at our house would have been too hard this year. The holes would have been too apparent. As it is, I still expect an e-mail from one of them to find its way to my inbox, or a status update to find its way onto my Facebook page. At least if we changed the scenery, the expectations would shift. I didn’t anticipate then this feeling of grief at losing “our” holiday, the holiday that for the last 25-ish years has been celebrated at my parents’ house. It’s one more loss in the midst of a difficult season.

Then too, there are the losses that are sneaking up on me. Christmas, where we might now host the holiday for the first time in 25+ years, or where at the very least we will be somewhere different. Christmas, where it is now possible that only my family will be around to celebrate together, as life has shifted for the rest of the families. Christmas, where my aunts and uncles exchanged gifts, where for the last 15 years we have received carolers from my aunt. There will be no carolers exchanged this year. Christmas, where the cousins spent so many evenings sequestered together on the porch at my aunt and uncle’s house, watching a basketball game, playing Trivial Pursuit (again), or watching episodes of Friends. The porch where the fire started. The porch where the fire started, at the house that no longer exists. The porch where the fire started, at the house that no longer exists, on the property that no longer belongs to the family.

Things are different, and in this case, change is not good. Change is here though, and so in the face of it, the question becomes, how do I find joy, in the midst of a season that seems to be bringing only grief?

Race Day Update

Jen — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 20:25:36 +0000

I ran. Not every step, but I ran. About a mile into the run, I was attacked by a killer side stitch. I held it off until about mile 2.9, but then I just could not hold it off any longer. I had to walk. I walked about a tenth of a mile and was able to run the rest, and you know what? I’m happy. Would I have loved to have run that tenth of a mile too? Yes, of course. But the truth of the matter is that I couldn’t. I wasn’t breathing, and it’s hard to run when you can’t breathe. I am of course second guessing myself now, knowing it was only a tenth of a mile, but I have to hang on to what I know is the truth. I ran every step I could. With that, I can be happy.

Race Day

Jen — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 14:29:48 +0000

It’s finally race day. I’ve been dreaming of this day since I started running on my first day of summer vacation. It’s been 129 Days since I was a non-runner and I’m more than proud of myself for having made it to this particular morning. I’ve learned a lot about myself since becoming a runner. First of all, I have discipline. For the longest time I didn’t think I did, I was the queen of making plans and then not following them, but it turns out that when I really set my mind to something, I can do it. As I completed each workout of the Couch to 5K program, I was proud of myself. I fed on that pride when it came time to head out the door for my next workout. There were only two workouts that I didn’t make it through over the course of the whole summer. One due to extreme heat and dehydration, and one probably related to the same issues. My rule was that when I didn’t make it through a workout, I didn’t get to take the next day off, I had to go out and run. It turns out that that is incredible motivation when you’re 10 minutes into a 30 minute workout. Who wants to go and do those 10 minutes over again the next day??

Second, I learned that my body is stronger than I thought it was. It turns out I can run. It turns out I can work through pain. It turns out that when I push myself to do something, all of a sudden I am capable of doing things I never thought possible… like riding a bike for 3.5 hours straight when I hadn’t been on a bike in 14 years. (Ok, so I had to ice my quads and take a steady regimen of ibuprofen for two days after that…)

Finally, the lead up to race day has made me more aware of something that I think I always kind of knew. My negative self-talk is almost deafening. Over the last few days I have had dreams of not making it through the race, I have heard myself thinking that I’m not strong enough, that I won’t have the willpower, that I should have trained more. Instead of thinking of all the days that I did train this summer and this fall, or focusing on the fact that when the school year started I still managed to run at least once a week, I’ve found myself focusing on all the times I didn’t run, all the times I should have run, how I am totally not prepared for race day. I am nervous, I’m afraid I won’t make it, I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself in front of my family, but as I was talking to my dad last night he said something that helped. He told me that it’s not an option not to finish. And I think that’s what I’ll keep in mind today. I’ve worked too hard to not finish. I can’t not finish. Even if I cross the finish line at something that barely qualifies as a run, I will run every step. I will finish the race.

Sabbath Taking – Day 1

Jen — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 01:07:25 +0000

I stayed late at work on Friday, finishing up lesson plans for the week. I went for a drink with co-workers and then I went home. I looked up the time that the sun would set (5:43) and realized I had 20 minutes before I wanted to light my candles and call it a Sabbath.

I bustled around finishing up the last of some chores I knew would need to happen for me to feel relaxed. I washed the dishes, ran the dishwasher, put away those dishes that were dry. I made my bed, put away my not-yet-dirty clothes and put my work bag out of sight. I defrosted the meat I wanted to use in my dinner and then, it was time.

I lit my candles and welcomed the Sabbath by laying in complete stillness on my bed before I finally opened my Bible and turned to worship. I made dinner, watched a favorite TV show, and was in bed remarkably early. It was 9:45 p.m. when I finally fell asleep, and 10:45 p.m. before I finally woke up again. Today, I spent the day with my dad at a soccer game, and then with a good friend at a class we had paid for learning how to sew. I ate dinner with her family before finally returning home again. As I sat down to write this I was struck by a few things. First of all, how rested I feel. While I am yawning, my body is content and at peace. I do not feel the usual anxiety that I feel on Saturday night, as another week begins to loom large. Also, I am excited to have found a new passion, something I wouldn’t have had the time or patience for if I hadn’t cleared my schedule and prepared for a Sabbath ahead of time. Did I keep my Sabbath perfectly? No, there are things I will change. Namely, I am contemplating taking a technological Sabbath each week, but I just didn’t feel ready this week. I am so used to filling the time and space in my life with the internet and the television, and in truth, I love my weekly routine of sitting down Friday night or Saturday morning to watch my Thursday TV episodes that I went to bed too early for the night before. Beyond that, I want to go grocery shopping on Fridays if possible, or at least carve out the time on Sundays and make my grocery list ahead of time. That was the one thing that hung over my head today.

Even so, I was shocked by how much I found myself anticipating my Sabbath. I woke up in the morning and thought “this is it, today I get to keep the Sabbath.” Leaving work I caught myself thinking “just a few more hours!” When I finally heard my alarm go off telling me the sun was setting, and I stood in front of the candles, the anticipation was palpable. Sabbath was here.

Sabbath

Jen — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 02:20:48 +0000

I’ve been reading a couple of new blogs this month (here and here if you’re interested), both of which are spending the month centered on the concept of rest or Sabbath. Each week this month I have come to the weekend desiring to have a Sabbath, and each week this month I have failed because you can’t have a Sabbath if it’s a thought that just occurs to you one weekend morning. Or maybe you can, but I’ve had too much to do, and too much that literally couldn’t be put off.

As I got into bed this evening for a few more hours of reading and resting, I watched the candles burning across the room (a new nightly ritual thanks to one of those blogs I’m reading… I forget which one) and I thought, “I want to take a Sabbath.” You see, at the end of this 48 hour period, I do not feel rested, I do not feel rejuvenated, and I do not feel ready to enter the week. I am yearning for God, and yet, so often, the way I live my life closes myself off to Him. I have the TV on, or the computer on constantly. I bustle around, cleaning, or working and in the in between times there is no space for me to hear God speak. I need to create that time and space in my whole week, sure, but right now I need to start small. I need to feed my soul on the Sabbath so that in the midst of the bustle of the week, my soul remembers what it is like to feast on God, and desires to continue to do so.

The list of things that I’ll need to do to prepare for the Sabbath is long, but it’s only Sunday night and so, with the right mindset, I am convinced that I can do it. I’ll need to:

Finish my lesson plans ahead of time
Keep the house clean so that I don’t feel pressure to clean it during the weekend, and so that my soul has space to breathe.
Do my grocery shopping and plan my errands so that they are done ahead of time

I am planning on keeping my Sabbath on Saturday, despite the fact that I signed up for a sewing class that afternoon. I’m taking the class with a dear friend, and I do believe that is a way of feeding my soul. From sundown Friday to sundown Saturday it’ll be Sabbath time, and I for one, can’t wait.